22 Questions to Ask Yourself

DJ Spigener, MA, LMHC

Healthy romantic relationships can be a source of great fulfillment, joy, love, and companionship.  However, as anyone who has ever been in an unhealthy romantic relationship can attest to, they can also be sources of great stress, anxiety, disappointment, confusion, or pain. 

Reflect on your own relationship history…  Is your current (or most recent) romantic relationship a source of joy?  Or do you find that, more often, it is a source of pain or difficulty? 

If you want to gain a clearer idea of which category your own romantic relationship(s) may fall into, here a few helpful questions to ask yourself:

1. Can you say what you like or admire about your partner?
2. Is your partner supportive of you having other friends?
3. Is your partner happy about your personal accomplishments and ambitions?
4. Does your partner ask for and respect your opinions?
5. Does your partner talk about their feelings?
6. Does your partner really listen to you when you speak?
7. Does your partner have a good relationship with their own family?
8. Does your partner have good, “quality” friendships?
9. Does your partner have ambitions and interests outside of you?
10. Does your partner take responsibility for their actions and not blame others for their failures?
11. Does your partner respect your right to make personal decisions that affect your own life?
12. Are you and your partner friends? Best friends?

If you answered many of questions 1 – 12 with a yes, this would suggest your relationship is generally healthy and unlikely to become abusive. 

13. When your partner gets angry, does your partner break, or throw things?
14. Does your partner lose their temper easily?
15. Is your partner jealous of your friends or family?
16. Does your partner assume you are cheating on them if you talk to or spend time with someone else?
17. Does your partner expect to be told where you have been at all times when you are not with them?
18. Does your partner drink or take drugs almost every day, or go on binges?
19. Does your partner ridicule, make fun of you, or put you down?
20. Does your partner think there are some situations in which it is ok for one partner to physically hit the other?
21. Do you like yourself less than usual when you’ve been with your partner?
22. Do you find yourself ever afraid of your partner?

If you answered yes to any of the questions 13 – 22, this would indicate your relationship is generally unhealthy and may even cross the line into abusive treatment.  If you are concerned about your answers in this section, please reach out to a mental health professional for further support and assistance.

Finally, don’t forget to go through these questions a second time, imagining how your partner might answer if asked about you!  One person alone cannot maintain a healthy relationship, so if you see areas where you can make a change to improve the overall relationship, take it!  If you need help consider meeting with us for a couples counseling session.